Decisions

I posted a lot about how excited I was by my sacred space and getting it all set up and ready to be used, but I have to admit that my time in the space has fallen away.  My trouble is all of the priorities and how they are to be ranked.  I know that God is my number one priority and all others should fall into place, but that's hard.  I constantly question myself.  For example, waking up early has not been working for me.  Martin seems to keep waking up earlier and earlier.  I just feel like I can't win and get good sleep.  So, my next option is to do it right when he goes down for naps.  I usually try very hard to work our schedule are his naps so that we're at home.  It sounds great in theory (just like waking up early does).  I would sit down right when he goes for his nap and spend time reading the bible or doing a devotion.  My problem is I constantly am saying "but if I sit down now and don't get anything done, I will have to do it when he's awake."  I feel that constant battle between doing "chores" while Martin is awake and spending time with him.  Moving laundry around and things like that don't bother me much when he's awake.  I get bothered if I can't get the kitchen clean or get the house picked up.  I want to spend time with Martin when he's awake, but I have trouble being there 100% if I can't get these other things done.  My brain does not stop working.  (#1 reason why I have trouble meditating or sitting quietly.)

These are the decisions that I struggle with everyday as a stay at home mom.  Balancing that time.  Knowing that my job is raising my son at home.  It's being there with him.  If I'm not there with him, who is?  

As usual, I also need to scale back my goals for what happens in my time at my sacred space.  If I can get those goals under control I'm hoping that I can managed more time in my sacred space and by the grace of God it will grow more and more just like I will.