Pacing

My mind did a lot of pacing while I was in the hospital with Matthew.  Pacing in my mind between my hospital room and my grandma's hospice room.  Pacing back and forth in my mind.  Wanting to see her and have her hold Matthew, but knowing that my last memories of her would be our Christmas time together.

Down the hall from me, a friend also paced.  Paced between life and death.  Pacing between her husband's hospice room and the hallway that lead to my room, full of new life.  Life and death were so close in that hospital.

We were both pacing between life and death.  Although my family could not be there and were doing their own pacing near my grandma, new members of my family came pacing down to our room.  This friend and her family are now part of mine.  In some strange way we all paced on that fine line.  She paced down to our room to hold our baby when he was only hours old.  She got to hold new life while her husband's new life in death would be a few days later.  Her family all made the trip down the hall to see us and in that fine line of life and death I knew that all would be okay.

I miss my grandma and I wish so many more moments with her, but she also walked that fine line and has found new life in death.  A wonderful life...