Being a PS

If you've read my "about me" section, you will know I'm a Pastor's Spouse (PS).  Depending on what type of church the pastor serves in, being a pastor's spouse can mean a lot of different things.   Pastor's spouses (but probably mostly pastor's wives) can sometimes be seen as free labor, part time secretaries, personal messaging system, permanent volunteer for every event, and the list can go on and on.

What does this have to do with anything?  Well, I think I've learned a few things as a pastor's spouse that can actually be good advice for anyone.  Yep, being a pastor's spouse has taught me about "real life".  So here we go!

Speak what you believe & believe what you speak.  I live in a parsonage.  I'm happy living in a parsonage.  I love my little house and the paint colors I picked and the kind of leaky sink, and the fact that this is the home my boys will actually remember.  I do really love this place.  Parsonages are one of the biggest fears when leaving seminary.  I'm blessed I got a great council and congregation that do see this as my home, but their house.  They want me to like it here.  BUT, I do have to sometimes work at it.  Not everyone always loves their home.  Sinks leak, mice eat your cookies, bats live in your attic, you have no storage space, it takes a committee to get anything done and it can be slow.  I have learned though that I must speak what I believe and I will believe what I speak.  I tell anyone who asks me about this house that I love it.  I truly do.  But, I will also tell myself I love this house after I toss a whole package of $5 cookies because the stupid mouse got in.  I tell myself that I am blessed to live in this house even though I shared it with a bat in the attic for a few months.  When people ask how it's going, I say great.  Almost all. the. time.  Because the more I say that, the more I believe it.  I truly do believe it.

This is also a faith thing.  On bad days, I still will say bible verses in my head, read my devotion, listen to Christian music, because those are the times I need it.  A friend was in a dark place one time and her mother told her to say the Lord's prayer every day, all the time.  She needed to continue to speak words of faith so that she didn't forget she believed them.

We can always turn situations around if we have the positive words floating in our heads.  Even if we have to make it up or it seems kind of trivial keep speaking positive words and things will happen.  I do truly love my home.  People love helping us at our home.  I think it's because they can see and they know that I truly feel blessed to live here.

Attitude Checks- We were called into this position.  God called my wonderful hubby to be a pastor. There is no entitlement here.  I saw it a lot at seminary.  People felt God, the seminary, their church, somebody owed them something because of everything they gave up.  It's an attitude check.  The call of God does not mean that it won't come with sacrifices.  After crying for a few days about where we got assigned, I had an attitude check and now, almost 4 years later, I can't see myself anywhere but here.  God doesn't owe me anything.  Following the call of God is the best way to live your life, but you've gotta check your attitude at the door or it won't be any fun!

Forgiveness.  This pastor spouse thing takes a lot of forgiveness.  People can be mean.  People feel it is safe to tell the pastor exactly how they are feeling.  Sometimes it's the only person they can tell.  They are stuck at work, at home, and the church is a place they feel safe enough to let it all out.  People can get cranky with how the pastor does things, what the pastor forgets to do.  This has taken me learning a lot about forgiveness.  This is my husband people are saying things about.  I have to forgive all the time.  I've had people say things to me because they are angry and don't want to say it to my husband.  We are all human and people forget to show up, they drop the ball, they don't feel they need to help.  It's tough sometimes, but I have to forgive people.  If I don't this becomes a burden to me.  See #1- sometimes I have to just keep reminding myself I have forgiven someone until I truly believe it.  If I can't forgive others, it makes it hard to accept the forgiveness God is giving me.

Expectations  The only expectations I've had as a pastor's spouse, have been put onto me by ME!  What?  Yep, that's true.  I am the only one who expects anything out of me and that has been a hard lesson for me.  Most people realize I have 2 kids, I'm involved in MOPS, I'm the Sunday School superintendent, and I'm busy.  I do what I can and they appreciate that.  Their are probably some that have some expectations but I just don't listen to those.  Thankfully I have enough positive voices that the negative ones of expectation are just pushed out.  This is one thing that I have found creeps into my regular life a lot.  The expectations in my life that I feel stressed about and can't meet are truly put there by me.  Once I let those go I become happier and so do the people around me.

Giving We give until it hurts and then some.  I'm not a "prosperity gospel" person, but God has not let me down yet.  The times I give until it hurts are the times when I am most richly blessed.  We give to our church, to our food shelf, to other organizations.  We give in our time, we volunteer, and we see the rewards.  My kids love going to church to help, my kids love knowing some little boy got a Christmas gift because of them.  I am blessed because I see how much the Sunday School kids love singing.  I give of my time and talents because God has given me more than I deserve.  I give because it's not mine to begin with and it's what God has asked me to do.

There you have it.  Being a pastor's spouse is not all about bible studies, coffee, and hot dishes.  I'm learning some real life lessons here.