A Change in the Season...

I've been pondering how to clearly express what I've been feeling recently as a mom.  I think in one word I was feeling "exasperated".  Webster defines exasperate as "to cause irritation or annoyance".   I'm sad to say that's how I felt about my kiddos.  I was living in this cycle where everything my kids did just kind of annoyed me.  They weren't behaving at Target, they didn't share toys at a play date, everything scares my oldest son, they would fight with me.  You get the picture.  When you write it down, it seems likes very normal stuff for a toddler and a preschooler.  And sadly, it was.  My husband usually reminds me that it's our reactions to the situation that mostly determines how it turns out.  I was letting my reaction to the situation exasperate me.

I was nervous that while my husband was gone to a conference I would spend the whole time just yelling and exasperated at my children.  But something has changed.  I can honestly say I didn't.   I don't know if it's the fact that my preschooler spends all day at school one day a week (giving me a little break) or because I started a large family notebook for myself to keep everything organized.  It could be that I'm very happy, in addition to being a stay at home mom, with my stuff at MOPS and Sunday School.  But without my knowing it, in some small quiet way, my attitude has changed.

I feel more patient.  I feel that I can interrupt the stuff I "have to do" with the stuff my kids "need me to do".  You know, I can give up the urgent stuff for the important stuff.  Part of the reason is my new notebook.  My friend had made one and it seemed like a good idea.  I made my own and customized it to my situation and life.  I have a large list, but it is always in the back of the notebook.  Urgent things and one or two things from the big list are moved onto my daily sheet at the front of the notebook.  In a state of being less overwhelmed I'm more readily available to help my kids when they fight or make a pit stop at the park after the post office.  I think we've been to the park more in the last week than in the last month.  I've been able to discipline better and show more sympathy for the life of a toddler and a preschooler!

I'm not saying everything is perfect.  Far from it. (We did spend 8 hours in the car yesterday and nobody wanted to nap.)  I'm not saying that I will never resort to the point where yelling is the first option.  Things get crazy.  The list might get out of control but it works better when my reaction is to deal with the important things instead of the urgent things first.  I think my kids and I had some of the best 3 days this last week and I was even all by myself.  This is a nice feeling and that makes me want to continue it!

Linking up with Bigger Picture Blogs at Alita's today!