Follow through

My friend, La, blogged about parenting a few days ago.  The post has stuck with me.  She said we have to "stop making excuses and DEAL with your child".

We are in the trenches of toddlerhood here.  We have a needy/independent, strong-willed/willing, energetic toddler living with us.  Sometimes I'm not sure he's really mine.  He can morph from a great kid to a challenging one and back again in 5 minutes.  Today and yesterday have been a shining example of needing to DEAL.  Parenting is not fair, it's not equal, and most of the time, punishment of your child ends up some how punishing you.

The Bops being "in charge"!

Last night our hubby had to take the parent punishment.  The bops wanted us all to go into the last store on our errands and the baby had just fallen asleep in his car seat.  It was late so we decided Daddy and the baby would stay in the car.  The bops melted down.  We tried to reason with him- he could still come with me, he could stay in the car and watch a movie, those were the choices.  In the end, he chose to throw a toy car at me in the front seat.  No go dude!  Daddy told me to get out and I went into the store alone (that was heavenly) while Daddy stayed outside with a crying toddler enforcing a punishment that wasn't fun for anyone.  Nobody won.  Parenting a toddler isn't a competition.

Today I've been fighting the battle alone and it has been an almost 3 hour battle.  The whole time hasn't been horrible, just moments of it.  The hubby and I decided the kids aren't snacking close to lunch or dinner time and they must eat just a little of the food we make.  (This is not a problem for Chewy who is already eating more than me.)  Pre-lunch started off rough with a big fat NO to fruit snacks and teddy grahams.  Then the Bops didn't want what I made for lunch.  It was rice, corn, and chicken.  All separate and things he had tried and eaten before. He then asked to be excused.  I said yes, but his food would be waiting for him.  He came back and started begging for crackers and rummaging in the cupboards.  Nope honey finish this little bit of food and then you an have a graham.  So, he cried and kicked and wanted to play on the computer instead of eating.  Nope, no computer or other food until you eat.  In a toddler way he pretended to forget about it.  He played and we moved on.  He then asked for a snack again.  This went on and on until about 3pm when he finished the two spoonfuls of food.  He went back to playing and got a graham the next time he asked.  Let me tell you, I did not win anything but patience.  It was a struggle.  Is my son better off because of it?  I don't know.  I have to set some boundaries though and I'm tired of making 3 or 4 meals everytime.

I get annoyed with myself with the empty threats we make as parents to our toddlers to control them.  If you don't do this, this will happen and it never does.  Our toddlers are smart and manipulative and they know.   Would it have been easier to give in at lunch? Yes, a million times yes.  I have no award for holding out and my toddler's behavior isn't magically better, but it will get there.  I have disciplined my toddler and in the end it is a punishment for me many times.  I've also failed.  I've said "we won't look at toys at Target" and then we do.  I've said no to a cookie at the grocery store and he gets one anyway.  It's tough.  I've said "we will go home" and done it.  I've put my kids in the car  and left friend's and other activities to let my kids know I mean it.  We didn't get a present for Daddy on his birthday because the Bops didn't behave at the mall.  I left and he cried when we got home and I explained to Daddy that we didn't have a gift because the Bops didn't obey.  A lesson was learned and mostly by me.

Follow through...do it both for you and your kids.  The moments of challenge will get easier.  I have to follow through immediately or my son will not learn the consequences.  It also reminds me that I'm the parent and nobody said this would be easy, but I will survive and also become better because of it.

My friend, La, has a private blog.  I wanted to give her credit for what caused me to think about this topic, but also respect her privacy!  Thanks la!