I feel like this post is going to end up looking like my suitcase. I'm going to toss everything in but the kitchen sink! Here goes...
It seems that I have unintentionally taken a vacation from my blog while on vacation. A few weeks ago we decided it would be best to introduce the baby to his 93 year old great grandfather. We have had a wonderful time traveling south to Missouri and now heading back home to the great (very hot) north!
I have also taken a slight vacation from my blog because I'm not sure what to write. I mostly use this blog as a way to help myself form coherent thoughts about ideas I have running in my mind. My brain is on overload though and I have a few posts started but just can't seem to get the words out of my mind!
I read a book on the way down to Missouri called "Scratch Beginnings" by Adam Shepard. Wow. It got me thinking about a lot things. For example, instant gratification with spending money. It is my downfall every month. It is why I find it so hard to save. I want that gratification that comes with new things, right now!
With that, a friend posted about eating and sin. My mind is swirling with thoughts on sin in our lives and the American culture. The book, although not Christian, brought up a lot of thoughts on our American culture and how we view money, food and the homeless. My friend reminded us that food can become a sin. We over eat, forget to be thankful for the food we have, and all of those things. I need to process some of these ideas as I struggle with food everyday and trying to become a healthier person.
I'm struggling with thoughts of call in my life and what God sees me doing to spread the love of Christ. It is hard to see others and not think "oh look at their call, it is so much more important than mine". It is easy to forget we are all called to different things.
Sadly, I came to the conclusion while on the trip that no matter how long I live in one place I will always be the outsider. Yes, Needtobreathe has that awesome new song "The Outsiders" but sometimes being one really hurts. I will never have those deep connections with the community I live in like those who were born there. I am not sure if the situation that brought up these feelings today was really meant to make me feel like that, but it did. I wanted to be a part of something and because I will always be the outsider I feel as if I wasn't asked to participate. I love where we are and our call right now, but my husband said those feelings can be true. Luckily (?) he dealt with those earlier in life with his as they moved around as a pastor's family. Ah, the learning curve is still steep!
Hopefully I can clean some of these thoughts up and give my brain some rest before cross country season starts and the fall sneaks up on us!
I'm all for kitchen sink posts, Lindy. Seems to be the way my blog's going these days. Just so much going on lately in my life too and I had to have my Hubby sit and pray with me to help me get through and just relax today.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry that you feel like the outsider where you live. That's how I feel about my new MOPS group. There's so much I can't really share on my blog because my new friend who's the MOPS leader reads my blog. My hope is that I'll be able to fit in and make new friends.
Lindy, I know what you mean about feeling on the outside. Growing up, the town we lived in viewed money and beauty as assets more valuable than character and honor. But those times helped me see what was truly of worth...beauty fades, money comes and goes, but the intangibles we offer others are greater.
ReplyDeleteThis may sound a little loopy, but what we think really does affect how others treat us. If we feel on the outside, then that energy will create the very thing we're trying to avoid. That doesn't mean we ignore our feelings, but just try to replace a positive thought with the feeling at the moment until it becomes real.
I'm a fan of pastor Joel Osteen and his positive thoughts. Write down some things that you want to create and say them as you go about your day. "I see the calling God has for my life clearly." "Those around me can't help but want to include me." "I am deeply connected to my community." Whatever it is...write them down on notecards if you can't remember and say them over and over. It works.
I hope this helps and isn't too much (: I enjoy reading your blog and was so glad to see your post (:
Michele
XOXO
I just read Scratch Beginnings too! It was such an interesting book.
ReplyDeleteAlso, regarding your calling, one of the blogs I follow who is a stay at home mom just started a new blog and wrote this post http://thhpbookstudy.blogspot.com/2010/08/what-ive-been-needing-to-say.html and its about how you can be called to be a mom but share Christ in other ways too. Thought you might be interested. Hope you have a great day!