Home

When I say I am going home, what I mean to say is that I'm going to where you are.

This quote used to hang in our living room and is now finding a new home in our kitchen due to our "operation toy room" project.  It got me thinking today.  Thinking about our home and our family.  It's Easter Sunday and we are not spending it with family.  We are okay with that.  After a long day (really a long week) of preparing for this day, we are just fine with being home by ourselves.  Oh, we got invited over to others who were having family get togethers, but we decided at the beginning of our ministry that Easter and Christmas would be for us.  A time to take naps and not worry about big meals.  Today, I made pizza.  The standard Sunday lunch at our house.  

Anyway, this quote got me thinking about my home.  Luckily, I am "home" with my family, where ever they are.  Let me give you the run down of my physical "homes".  I grew up in Nebraska my whole life.  So if you ask where I'm from, I will say Nebraska.  My husband will probably tell you he's homeless or that he's from Nebraska.  His family moved around (his dad is a pastor).  His parents moved from the town he grew up in when he was in college in Nebraska.  So really, he doesn't actually go "home" anymore.  We just go to where his parents are.  We got married in 2004 and less than a week later moved to seminary.  In 2006 we moved to Michigan.  One year later we moved back to Iowa with our 6 week old son.  Less than a year later, we moved to Minnesota.  

Now the problem is, if I say I'm going home, you better clarify.  All of these places are "home".  Nebraska, because my family is there.  Iowa, because I really figured out what home was then and Michigan because Martin was born there and finally Minnesota because it is home and Matthew was born here.  

In all reality, home is where my boys are.  Yes, I miss my family and my "home" but this is what I need.  I am home with these boys if I am in a motel, on vacation, on the road, or really anywhere.  They are what fills my heart and they are my gift.  My gift that stays with me always.  Oh, it's nice to have been in this physical home for almost 2 years now, but I learned a lot in moving.  I learned to be me.  A me that isn't defined by my place or my situation.  I was able to learn a lot from a professor about "loss and grief".  You don't just grieve the dying or people, you grieve all of this.  The loss of a home, of a previous lifestyle, a previous life.  So I grieve and I keep moving.  I still grieve leaving seminary.  I grieve leaving friends, but have made new ones.  And I can both grieve and live at the same time.  The loss and grief does not over take me because home is where my boys are and it's where I am within myself.  I am always "home".