My spring

I've got a little smudge of ashes on my forward.

My cross.  My reminder.  

I am dust and to dust I shall return.  

This is Lent.  A return to God.  

A preparation, through repentance, 

for the joy of Easter.  

The alleluia is gone. 

 For 40 days we dig deep.  

We are quiet, we are simple, we are dust.  

We are sinners.

We are in need of forgiveness.   

We are waiting.  

Waiting for a cross and for a resurrection.  

via

This is my Lent.  I remembered today why I feel the way I do right now.  Why I am quiet and angry.  The reason I am sad without knowing.  I am in my Lent.  I feel the silence.  I am waiting for my spring.

My spring did arrive though.  He came on February 26, 2010.  He is spring.  He is life.  Life in the midst of my grandma's and Ben's death.  I know why I am sad.  But I know what God's love is.  God's love is snuggled with me in my chair.  God's love looks at me in worship and says "I love you".  

God's love, in the birth of my son, proved that God takes the messy and puts the pieces back together.  God heals the heart and brings the joy of Easter.

For right now though, I must live in the messy that is left.  Knowing that God is putting it back together, it just takes a while.  Knowing that I can be okay with the messy that is grief from death and utter happiness from God's blessings.  

So we wait.  We wait for the Alleluia.  We wait for spring.  We wait with God.

My heart is not lifted up.

My eyes are not lifted up.

But calm and quiet is my soul.  

Jason Gray "Without Running Away"

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