The weight of it...

I had become that mom.  I was the adult telling her children no snacks it's too close to lunch and then sneaking into the kitchen to eat handfuls of chocolate chips and 1/2 package of pringles.  I could lose count of the number of cookies I ate in a day, all while telling my kids NO!  I was a mom living a double life revolving around over eating.  I had no concept of portions or even stopping.  I would escape to the kitchen to just get away from the mess of toys and kids in the living room.  I would eat while making dinner, eat way too much for dinner, and then eat while I cleaned it up.

I knew it was wrong.  I kept waiting for the moment when it all clicked.  What was my moment?  It wasn't coming, but the weight was.  Every once in a while I would -try- to eat better, but not very hard.  If I only eat one cookie instead of two that's better I would lie to myself!

I tried on dresses in November for my sister's wedding.  The size was unbelievable.  I realize they order them a little big and the sizing is different but it was depressing.  I weighed the same as I did when I came home from the hospital with my first kid.  I couldn't lose weight this way.  I would eat and tell myself "I was a runner" but lying over and over since I hadn't run in months.

I still didn't have the awakening moment that you hear from people who have lost lots of weight.  My inner voice kept telling myself that it must not be my time then.  The lies to myself one right after another all while snacking and overeating my way through life.

Those commercials for Weight Watchers made it look easy but I knew it had to be a lie.  It wouldn't be easy.  I'd never tried to lose weight in my life.  I had heard it was hard.  There must be a lie.  Great promotion Weight Watchers, but you can't fool me!

It started to work.  I kept thinking about that dress on order.  Dang, it was big.  I was not that person.  I wondered one January evening if I should sign up for Weight Watchers.  They were starting a group after MOPS, I knew I couldn't afford the actual meetings, but maybe it does work if so many are doing it.  My mom told me to use my Christmas money and sign up for the online version.  I guess maybe I needed permission.  So, late one night I signed up.  I read and read and thought, "nobody will know if I fail since I'm doing it on line".  But, I bought into it.  I could beat these points.  The competitive mommy came out.  So, I can eat this many points, how will I do it?  How much food can I get out of these points.  It was a competition with food and I was going to win this time!

And I have.  I will run a half marathon with my hubby in May (my second ever.)  My dress had wings on it this weekend at the fitting.  17 pounds lost will do that to you.  It's not the pounds though.  It's my relationship with food.  It's my knowledge of portion sizes and knowing that I can have a treat and still come out on top.  I can eat my mini blizzard and have a dance party in the car with my family and know that I have worked hard and the treat was worth it!  I'm anxious to see what happens next.  Only a few more pounds to go and I have met my goal.  This momma is living a life that is full of good food, a full tummy, and treats that are just that, treats!  I bought into myself and my confidence that I could do it!

At my sister's shower.  I felt good!