Abandoned

Sometimes we have those days.  The days we feel abandoned.  I just feel so alone at certain times in parenting.  I'm sure we all do.  Mine mostly involves nap and sleeping.  The thought of letting my child "cry it out" causes my heart to break.  We did it with the boppers and now it seems the time has come for Chewy to learn.  This is where I feel so abandoned.  Like God does not hear the cries of my heart.  Why do I pray over my baby every night asking God to help him sleep.  Why do I do all of those things like bath, reading, quiet, loving that should help him sleep but they don't work.  Why do I myself get sick after getting up multiple times a night week after week to soothe him.  We listen to lullabies and I just want to throw the CD player at the wall.  They are lullaby prayers and they are beautiful and make me want to hold my babies closer but right now they make me feel alone.  Why would God not hear the words of my heart and these songs and help my baby sleep.  Maybe this all sounds a little over the top, but I have not slept more than a few hours at a time for weeks.  He doesn't nap more than an hour without waking.  I don't know how to sleep train him since he shares a room.  I don't want to "sleep train".  I just want my babies to sleep.


So my heart cries out of frustration, tiredness, and knowing that we have to do something but not sure what it is.