Just to write!

Another blog I read calls it a "stream of consciousness" post.  Just writing to write.

I'm a little introverted by nature so I grieve different than extroverted people (like my hubby).  No, I don't want to talk with you about it.  I don't want to hash out the details.  I don't want to meet with certain people.  Yes, I do need time alone, I need time with small groups of friends.  Yes, when the time comes (and if I can go) I will want to be surrounded by the community of Wartburg, but for now just leave me alone.

I had someone say to me that this was all "part of God's plan".  I didn't say this to them, but I beg to differ.  My God does not have plans like that.  Yes, terrible terrible things happen, my God grieves with me and has a broken heart.  My God knows death, suffering and pain more than I will ever know.  The one thing I do know is that yes my God will use this somehow.  Whether large or small the light of Christ will be made known through Ben's life.  But did my God want Ben to die?  Probably not.  My God is celebrating with Ben and holding those of us grieving in his arms.

I'm not sure where those previous thoughts fall in a theological stand point, but that's how I feel.