Do it again?

Do you ever get the feeling if you could do it all over again you maybe wouldn't make the same choices?  Duh.  We probably all feel that way sometimes.  I have been thinking a lot about that lately.  It seems I go through phases where for a while I love being a part of the ministry and groups I participate in and then other times I say "why in the world did I say yes and how do I get out of it?".  It seems that I'm in the down time where I want out.  Nothing serious, just one of those moments.  Luckily it's not something I can just get out of, but it does help me think again about how much I take on.  I was one of those people in high school and college that loved being a part of groups, any group.  I just wanted to form those friendships and feel like I belonged to something.  One of the nice things about growing "older" is that I know more about who I am so I am sometimes in less of a need to have a group of some kind define me.  I think I primarily used group in high school and college to give me an identity.  I have an identity now that does not require a dozen other people to define me.  That doesn't mean I still don't need to feel like a part of a community, it just means that my roll and need for a certain number of communities has changed.

I really don't want out of the groups I just have to change my perspective on why I go.  That is a bit tricky.  For example, at a meeting recently I just couldn't get over how we didn't listen, everyone was talking, and generally I felt like I was in elementary school and nobody knew how to be respectful and quiet.  In the end, I think that was just the group dynamic and it's more those things that bother me.  I try to participate in things that I feel God is calling me to do (leading bible study for example) but that doesn't mean I always feel the Holy Spirit while participating.  That is what makes it so challenging.  Another example is recently at a meeting I felt like there was just no actual faithful learning going on, just more political church things being discussed and that's not what the meeting is suppose to be.  Luckily it does go up and down so maybe the next meeting will be better.

My hubby and I have been discussing young couples activities we could do at the church.  Because of some of the things I just mentioned above, the politics and group dynamics, we have found that more people our age just really aren't into being a part of lots of groups and having structured meetings etc.  Is that true?  It kind of is for me.  We don't want church and faith to become one more thing on the list.  We realize people are busy etc.  Maybe that's why the groups I participate in (with people who usually could be my mother or grandmother) struggle so much.  They can't see that people my age are not into forming groups at the drop of a hat, that they don't want a million structured meetings to go too and that we have less time with our families. We just have to pick and choose everyday about the groups we are in and somedays I just want to say NO to it all, but then I remember that faith is grown in communities too.  I take the good with the bad and hopefully the Lord will be glorified in what we do even if I can't see it right now.  I hope that young people remember that too, but also know that faith is grown in families.  Over and over we keep balancing our lives and would we do it again?  Probably yes!  We do it everyday when we wake up and choose that we are children of God sent out to spread the light.